Regrets of a Would-Be StarClan Cat
by Cinderfire16
Summary: Our two favorite apprentices went to Snakerocks to prove their loyalty and become warriors. Now, he must deal with the aftermath without Brightpaw by his side and with the newly named Cloudtail as a potential enemy... this won't end well. Taken from Storm-Eyes-Osprey's Adopt-a-Story.
1. Chapter 1

"You're awake." Cinderpelt got to her paws and limped over to a corner of the den. Swiftpaw flinched when she limped toward him with something in her mouth, but relaxed when she set it down and backed away. She could probably smell his fear.

"Those are some herbs to help you start healing." The medicine cat explained. "It's been more than a few sunrises since you woke up but you still have a long way to go. Would you like some water?" It hurt to lift his head but one look told him that sticky cobwebs smothered him from head to tail. He rested his chin on his paws and focused on keeping his eyes open. Cinderpelt came back with a wad of dripping moss and it took all his strength to open his mouth.

"Bluestar, Fireheart and Cloudtail were here earlier. You might not remember much but you woke up for a few heartbeats. Bluestar gave you a warrior name. Cloudtail insisted because he wanted Brightpaw to have one in StarClan. You are now Swiftclaw and Brightheart." Cinderpelt informed the black and white tom. He let the knowledge sink in. They had achieved their goal mm of becoming warriors, but if the price was Brightpaw-heart's life then StarClan should take him as well. There was no point to such a hollow victory.

"I thought I told you to get some rest." Cinderpelt snapped at the unknown cat. A flash of white fur told him exactly who it was.

"I couldn't sleep." Cloudtail admitted as he padded over to Swiftclaw.

"Good to see you awake." The white warrior meowed.

"Why?" It hurt to move his mouth, let alone try to speak. His voice came out in a rasp and he licked at the moss ball.

"I need to know that Brightheart's death meant something, and if that means keeping you alive then I'll do it."

It was supposed to be him... he should be dead! He didn't want Brightheart to die!

"Do you think you can eat?" Cloudtail asked.

"Hurts." Swiftclaw croaked out.

So much pain... he let his head drop back onto his paws and closed his eyes. Hopefully he would feel better when he woke up. Not like he deserved it.

**Dear StarClan, why?! **


	2. Chapter 2

He did feel better when he woke up. A lot better. So much better that he might as well be in StarClan, but he wasn't. He was still in Cinderpelt's den and for some reason beyond what he wanted to think about, Cloudtail slept beside him.

"Feel better?"

"Did I go to StarClan and not remember? I feel fine now, like I could run for miles, actually."

"You managed to eat something small earlier, pieces of mouse, and if Cloudtail had his way he would use up my entire supply of poppy seeds. He didn't use all of them, but enough to numb your pain. He's not going away anytime soon, that's for sure." Cinderpelt snorted.

"Why?!" Swiftclaw wondered.

"Ask him. He's up now." The medicine cat chuckled. The snow-furred warrior spat playfully at the limp grey she-cat, and rolled his eyes.

"Call it guilt, if that helps." He growled before starting to poke his black and white companion with his nose. Swiftclaw squirmed uneasily. Why was Cloudtail being so overprotective? They were basically enemies before this happened!

_Or is that what you wanted to believe? _A small voice in the back of his head prompted. _What if he was trying to be your friend this entire time? _

"That's mouse-brained." He muttered under his breath.

"Unless you plan on being my apprentice, I think you've helped enough." Cinderpelt's voice jerked him out of his thoughts just as Cloudtail stepped back, obviously satisfied. _What is up with that tom?_

* * *

><p>The white warrior was ushered out of the den and stalked off, hopefully to go be productive to the Clan and stop confusing Swiftclaw. Cinderpelt came back with a serious look on her face.<p>

"You did go to StarClan, for a brief time, but we got you back. StarClan... no one really knows why they do certain things the way they do, but if it can't be changed then what else can we do but accept it? The main point is that the Clan would rather have you back with us then not at all, no matter what you look like." Cinderpelt informed him as she guided him to the clear pool of water they used to drink. Staring back at him were two cats. One was a grey tabby with a limp hind leg and the other... he was smaller. Not by much, but enough to notice the difference. His eyes were still the same green and his pelt was still patched black-and-white, but he was smaller and he felt... different somehow.

"What's wrong with me, Cinderpelt?" He croaked out.

"Nothing is wrong with you!" She snapped. "Absolutely nothing, and don't ever let anyone tell you different. StarClan had to change you a bit because your old body was too broken, but something happened and now... you're a she-cat." Swiftclaw fainted.

* * *

><p>Warmth made his eyes snap open, and to his surprise, Cloudtail wasn't the one providing it. Longtail sat before him, one pale left paw over his white one.<p>

"You're not gonna act strange now, are you?" He asked with a sigh. Longtail shook his head.

"I've had some time to understand it. I'm more concerned about your trip to Snakerocks. What were you thinking?!"

"If we hadn't then Bluestar would have never made us warriors! I didn't want to be an apprentice for the rest of my life and Brightheart supported that!"

"Brightheart is dead, Swiftclaw, and you were a mouse-step away from following her! Now we're down a warrior and StarClan's intervention turned you into a she-cat!"

"Well it happened! We found what was hiding at Snakerocks and we got our warrior names and we helped the Clan and there's nothing you can do about it now, so get out of my face, or are you just going to sit here and yell at me for something of which I clearly have no control?!" Longtail had recoiled, and now made to leave the den. Swiftclaw sighed.

"Can you go find Whitestorm? This whole thing was originally my idea and I have some major apologizing to do."

The tan warrior disappeared and Swiftclaw placed his head back on his paws. A few moments later heralded a flash of white fur and yellow eyes.

"I made a mistake, Whitestorm. I can't give you your apprentice back, but I made a mistake and I don't know how to fix it so I'll take anything you think of."

"For starters, what you did was extremely foolish, but Brightheart has always been determined and you wouldn't have been able to keep her back if you wanted to. There's no point in blaming yourself for the actions of another cat. As it were, you two fought like warriors so Fireheart practically begged Bluestar to give you your names. You have him to thank for that. Also, StarClan has given you more of a curse than I could ever think to bestow, so I'll leave you to figure out the rest of your life as a she-cat. I'll admit that I laughed at first, but now I see that StarClan kept you alive for a reason. There's nothing more you can do for me but live your life as well as Brightheart wants you to. I'll gain another apprentice, I'm sure, and none of us will forget Brightheart. Not all curses seem like gifts, but the ones that do often turn out for the better."

Swiftpaw dipped his head and Whitestorm padded away.

That was one cat down, now if he could just figure out what the heck was up with Cloudtail he could go back to sleep!


	3. Chapter 3

"Why are you really here?" Swiftclaw demanded the next time his snow-furred stalker entered the medicine den, this time bearing food. The black-and-white tom appreciated the squirrel, because he had yet to eat, but Cloudtail didn't need to know that.

"I want to help you get better. Why can't that be enough?"

"You're smothering me! The only thing we ever had in common was Brightheart and now you're acting weird and it's mouse-brained that you won't tell me why!"

Cinderpelt had a knowing look in her eye as she whispered something to the white warrior.

"No way am I telling him that! He'll hate me forever!"

"Doesn't he deserve to know the truth?" She smirked. Cloudtail rolled his eyes at Swiftclaw's determined expression.

"If you don't tell him then I will, and then you'll really be embarrassed." She assured him.

"Tell me what?!" Swiftclaw snarled.

"I like you!" Cloudtail blurted out. "There, I said it. Happy now? If you need me I'll be hunting." He scowled.

"Wait up!" Swiftclaw yelped as he struggled to his paws.

"You can't just tell me something like that and walk away like it doesn't matter!" He yowled as he collapsed.

"Well that's exactly what I'm doing." Cloudtail snorted.

"Get back here you coward!" The black and white warrior snapped. "You know I can't walk yet!"

"I think that's the point." Despite everyone's curiosity,Whitestorm was the only one brave enough to see what all the yowling was about. He now stood beside Cinderpelt as they watched Swiftclaw limp across camp to find Cloudtail, who was halfway through the gorse tunnel.

"Mouse-hearted rat!" The injured warrior scowled.

"What was that all about?" Whitestorm asked.

"Stupid tom decides to tell me he likes me and runs away like I bit his tail off. Great StarClan, does everyone do this? He's going to explain when he gets back. I'll get Fireheart to make him de-tick all the elders if he doesn't."

"I'm not sure Fireheart would agree to that," The white warrior chuckled. "But it's worth a shot. What prompted his confession?"

"I told him he's been acting all weird and Cinderpelt obviously knew what he was going to say because she blackmailed him into saying it. Is everyone like this when they admit that they like someone?"

"Seems like normal to me," Cinderpelt chuckled. "I had to tell Fireheart that Sandstorm liked him and they still haven't made a move, either of them!... Cats take love seriously, Swiftclaw, and I'm pretty sure Cloudtail liked you long before StarClan intervened. He was afraid you wouldn't like him back and that… that's always the hardest thing to get over. Go back to your nest, Swiftclaw. Despite StarClan's visit you're still very injured. I'm sure he'll be here to explain when you wake up."

Swiftclaw rolled his eyes and limped back to the medicine den, aware of the many sets of curious eyes on him. They could stare all they wanted, but none of them had the answers he needed. They didn't matter.

"Wise words, for one so young. Whitestorm purred softly when Swiftclaw was out of earshot. "I would hope you don't know from experience, because you're right, but then I remember that medicine cats are still cats, bound to StarClan or not… you've sacrificed your entire future for a shot at serving your Clan, and for that, we thank you." The large white tom meowed, licking the smaller grey she-cat between the ears. "You'll be a wonderful medicine cat, Cinderpelt. You just have to trust yourself and know that StarClan guides your paws."

The snow-furred senior warrior got to his paws and loped off.

"Thank you," Cinderpelt murmured. Bluestar's nephew flicked his ears and dipped his head.

Whitestorm was right. Things would turn out for the better. She had to believe that.


	4. Chapter 4

Waking up to something large and warm had initially shocked Swiftclaw out of his fur. Then he saw the white fur and rolled his eyes.

"You're up." A voice that was neither Cinderpelt nor Cloudtail muttered. Fireheart laid at the entrance to the medicine den, likely dozing until he heard Swiftclaw move. "Hello, Fireheart." He dipped his head to the deputy.

"If you need Cloudtail then I can get him up for you. He's got to have something better than to waste his time on me."

"It's worth it if you care." Fireheart offered. "And he wants you to get better. So does Goldenflower. She's been stopping by when you're asleep. I don't pretend to know what's going through her mind but she'll be here soon enough. I have to ask, do you remember what attacked you?"

Time seemed to slow down. His vision went blurry and he could barely hear what Fireheart was saying. He tried to blink it away and flick his ears, but then he was back at Snakerocks, standing between Brightheart and the dogs.

"-claw, Swiftclaw!" Cloudtail now stood before him, the dogs snarling at them both.

"No, you mouse-brain! You can't be here! Get out of the way!"

Cloudtail tilted his head.

"What are you talking about?"

This good-for-nothing tom had been made a warrior before him? How could he not see the huge dogs looming _right behind him?!_

Cloudtail's eyes widened in surprise and he glanced back before moving to press himself against Swiftclaw's left side.

"It's okay, Swiftclaw. The dogs are gone. You held them off. You held them off and told us what you saw when you got back to camp." Fireheart was talking to him, telling him that the dogs were gone, but they were right there! They were right...

His vision went dark.

He woke up not too long after that to find his mother standing over him, blocking him from whatever lay before her. He could still feel Cloudtail at his side and a quick dip of his head saw her screeching at Fireheart.

"-you were thinking, but you're giving him more nightmares than he needs to have!" She snarled. The ginger tom was backed against the entrance to the medicine den, ears flat and tail clinging to the pale orange fur on his stomach.

"I-." He broke into coughs and Goldenflower jolted into action. Soon, there was wet koss at his mouth. He lapped gratefully before he continued.

"It's okay, Mother. He was trying to help. I wanted him to know about the dogs... even if I didn't plan on seeing them again." He shivered slightly and Cloudtail shifted to give him space. The sharp whine that tore from his mouth surprised everyone, especially himself. He'd just gotten so used to Cloudtail being there...

The white tom shook himself out and laid back down.

Cinderpelt's entrance granted them a reprieve from the awkward silence that followed.

"Okay, Swiftclaw, you've been down for a quarter-moon recuperating from the worst of your injuries. Now it's time to get your strength back."

"Alright!" The black and white warrior yowled happily.

"Hear that, Cloudtail, I get out of the medicine den!" He chirped as he staggered to his paws. The white tom moved with him, letting Swiftclaw lean on him as needed.

"You get to walk around." Cinderpelt corrected him.

"The sooner I'm back on my paws, the better. I can't wait to start actually being a warrior!"

Cloudtail twitched at his side and Swiftclaw turned toward him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing major, but you won't be out on patrols for a while. Not until you've regained your health." Cinderpelt informed the patched warrior.

"I just don't want you to get your hopes up if things don't go right the first few times." Cloudtail admitted.

"I know it'll take a while, but that doesn't change anything. Cloudtail, this is what I've been waiting for. I can finally serve my Clan for real!"


	5. Chapter 5

"It's good to see you up and around."

"Hello, Whitestorm. It's good to finally be up and around. Soon I'll get to go on a hunting patrol with you and the others!"

"You could just as easily be repairing the dens or caring for the elders." Whitestorm chuckled. Swiftclaw snorted.

"I've spent the last few moons caring for the elders, what's a few more?" He deflated and slouched a bit. Cloudtail glanced up from his meal, concern in his eyes, but Swiftclaw shook his head. "I just don't want to join them anytime soon." He groused.

"You're a young cat yet, Swiftclaw. If anyone can pull themselves back up, it's you. StarClan honored your strength and determination when we welcomed you as a warrior. That should stand true now more than ever."

"Thank you, Whitestorm." The patched warrior dipped his head.

"Cloudtail, Fireheart wants you on a border patrol to ShadowClan. Mousefur and Sandstorm will be with you, along with Brackenfur. Be careful, and I'm telling you the same thing I told the other three. We can't afford to start a fight, but ThunderClan doesn't back down."

"Yes, Whitestorm." The younger white tom dipped his head and padded off, brushing by Swiftclaw as he went. The injured warrior mewed forlornly.

"How am I supposed to move on if I can hardly do anything without him being around?" The black and white tom meowed.

"There will come a time when you will no longer need him to help you as he is now, but he doesn't have to leave unless you want him to." The senior warrior advised.

"I don't want to him to _leave_, Whitestorm. I just don't want him to fetch my prey and clear my bedding when it's something I should be able to do myself. Everyone, even the elders can do it. The apprentices are there for when they're too tired or actually can't, but even still, I'm not an elder yet!" Swiftclaw was scared now.

"You are injured, and you need time to recover. Every cat gets injured at some time in their lives. Things happen. Some don't even make it as far as you did. But you're here, and you are healing. You have to take it slow, Swiftclaw." Cinderpelt had overheard the better part of the conversation and decided to join them.

"I would be telling Whitestorm and Bluestar the exact same thing if they were injured. As for Cloudtail... you already know what's going to happen there. The question is, how much do you need him around, and what's going to happen when you think you don't? That, I cannot answer. No one can, except for you and Cloudtail."

The next day, Fireheart suggested that Swiftclaw spend time with the elders.

"You'll go on patrols and everything, but you'll be able to recover better there than feeling stifled by the medicine den. Besides, I think they'd like having a nice, strong young cat look after them."

"I'm not useless." Swiftclaw protested.

"No, but you are still recovering." Cinderpelt meowed. "I think it's a good idea. Why don't we go ask them now? It'll give you a chance to test your limits and you'll have a plan for the next moon, at least."

"I guess." Swiftclaw groused, heaving himself to unsteady paws. "I feel fine, though. Hungry, maybe."

"What do you want?" Cloudtail asked.

"I can get it myself!" The patched warrior snapped. Cloudtail skittered back, shocked by his friend's outburst.

"I'm sorry, I just-."

"You're not useless." The white warrior assured his injured companion. "Just let me help."

"_Help_, not smother." Swiftclaw insisted.

"Alright, then." Fireheart snickered, glad for the reprieve of humor from what had become his life. "Shall we?"

"Good luck, you all. Come back the second you start to hurt, Swiftclaw."

"I will!" The injured tom groaned.

The next few sunrises were spent with the elders, talking with them, cracking their fleas and ticks, changing their bedding, and being pampered and crooned over in return.

"Do your scars hurt, dear?" Speckletail asked softly.

"Scars? No. Why?"

"It's just... they look quite painful. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes, of course." Swiftclaw assured her. "A little pain every now and then is nothing, Speckletail. I'm fine."

Swiftclaw got to his paws and shook himself out.

"I'm going to get some fresh-kill. Anyone want something in particular?"

He ran into Frostfur at the fresh-kill pile, as he searched for One-eye's squirrel and Speckletail's vole. Smallear and Dappletail wanted mice.

"Well met, Swiftclaw." A familiar voice purred sadly. The younger warrior flinched at the sight of the former queen. He had indirectly killed one of her kits, and he did not expect her to be okay with that... at all.

"Hello, Frostfur." He whispered shakily.

"It's alright, little one. Brightheart is in a far better place than we could ever hope for her. She chose to go with you, and although your quest was foolish, not all of it was in vain. Longtail confirmed what you've been telling us since you got back. The dogs are on our territory, and now Fireheart can come up with a plan to get rid of them instead of waiting in fear to be savaged by a pack of monsters." The white queen broke of into a growl and Swiftclaw flattened himself to the ground, nerves causing him to rattle with fear.

Frostfur ran a paw down his head and over his back, brushing lightly over scars that would never heal properly.

"You made my daughter a hero, even if what you did was dangerous. You and Brightheart helped save the Clan, and for that, we thank you. Now, if I'm not mistaken, the elders await your arrival." The snowy she-cat purred. Swiftclaw scampered off, eager to get back to the safety of the elder's den.

Fireheart and Cloudtail stood at the entrance to the den, chatting with Dappletail.

"Swiftclaw, just the cat we need. We're going on a patrol around Tallpines, do you want to come?"

"Sure." He meowed confidently, having gotten used to his voice. He was slowly getting used to the idea of being a she-cat.

"Just let me give everyone their prey."


	6. Chapter 6

A few moments later, the patrol consisting of Fireheart, Greystripe, Cloudtail and Swiftclaw were on their way to Twolegplace. Cloudtail wanted Swiftclaw to meet his mother, Princess, and Swiftclaw wanted to get into the forest at last!

"Princess!" Fireheart's call brought a small brown and white tabby shape blurring to the group, and the queen known as Princess barrelled into her brother.

"Oh, Fireheart! It's good to see you again! And you brought friends! Cloudpaw, come here. You've grown so much!"

"You have to call me Cloudtail now. Swiftclaw and I got our warrior names."

"Oh, how wonderful! Is this nice she-cat the Swiftclaw you mention so fondly?"

"Yes." Cloudtail groused. The black and white warrior shook his head. There was no use in correcting her. He _did_ look like a she-cat.

"Oh, you're very pretty." Princess crooned, sniffing the young warrior thoroughly. "I do hope your wounds heal, dear. They'll ruin your gorgeous fur."

"Mother!" Cloudtail snapped.

"Well it's true! Whatever happened?"

"Swiftclaw went out to tackle the dogs." The white warrior boasted, brushing against his friend.

"And you got those dreadful scars?!" The kittypet whimpered fearfully. "Oh, Fireheart, that means it could happen to any of you! Please do be careful, Cloudtail!"

Fireheart made a hasty excuse and herded the group deeper into the forest.

"I'm sorry, Swiftclaw, she doesn't understand our way of life but I know for a fact that she didn't mean to hurt you."

* * *

><p>"Have you seen Bramblepaw or Tawnypaw?"<p>

Swiftclaw didn't know as much about his mother's second litter as he wanted to, but he was almost positive that with the right training, they would make brilliant warriors. If Fireheart could put aside his rivalry with Tigerclaw. It didn't, couldn't, matter what Tigerclaw did to ThunderClan. Not when it came to Bramblepaw. The young tabby apprentice worked hard, and would already carry the burden of _being_ Tigerstar's son. He didn't need his mentor growling at him for being something he couldn't control. Swiftclaw wouldn't allow it.

"Fireheart, can we talk?"

"Um, I was about to take Bramblepaw hunting, but we can talk when we come back?"

"I'll come with you, if that's alright with you. Or is this an assessment?"

"No, feel free. Bramblepaw gets to practice his skills and get some advice from another warrior, and we can talk about how you're doing."

"Alright. Let's go." They went into the forest and Bramblepaw prowled off with a nod from his mentor.

"You've been up and around camp so far. How does it feel?"

"I'm getting better." Swiftclaw offered slowly. "And I guess it's not so bad, being in the elders den. They're nice enough, and it's not like I'm totally useless now. I'm getting stronger every day."

"You are." Fireheart seemed hesitant. "I want you to come to the Gathering tonight. If you're up to it, that is. I don't like what Tigerclaw is doing and you're still one of the stronger cats in ThunderClan. You'd have my back in a fight as much as Whitestorm or… or Longtail." The ginger tom choked out.

"I will have your back. I proved that when I became a warrior, to protect my Clan. But I need you to do something."

"What would that be?" Fireheart meowed nervously, tail twitching as he watched Bramblepaw come back with a mouse and a squirrel.

"Lay off of Bramblepaw, Longtail and Dustpelt. Darkstripe might have some issues, but that doesn't mean they're all going to turn traitor just because they ran around with Tigerclaw. And he and Bramblepaw aren't the same cat. If you want to, think of Goldenflower. She's not a bad cat for being his mate, is she?"

"Of course not!" Fireheart snapped, alarmed. "I just… it's hard not to see it when they look exactly the same. I'm trying, really, and apparently I'm not doing the best of jobs. I… okay. Longtail and I are going to check out the dogs activity by Snakerocks. Cloudtail is coming."

"That's a start. Thank you."

"I haven't been paying enough attention if this is what my Clanmates think of me." Fireheart sighed.

"You have a lot on your shoulders, trying to keep things together. Just keep in mind that we're here for you. We're loyal to the Clan no matter what happens, and you've earned my respect as deputy. ThunderClan will be fine."

* * *

><p>Swiftclaw wanted to swallow his words when he saw Tawnypaw with a group of ShadowClan warriors and Tigerstar demanding his kits back. They couldn't afford to lose Bramblepaw, and someone had told Tigerstar what was going on in ThunderClan.<p>

"That was a disaster!" Fireheart snarled when the patrol got back to camp. "And I was completely wrong to trust any of you! Who told Tigerstar about the attack? It had to be one of you. I know it wasn't Dustpelt. Bramblepaw might have been seeing his father, but he knows better that to say anything, and some cat had to take them to see him. It has to be one of you." He growled to Darkstripe and Longtail.

"Don't say a word." He spat when Longtail opened his mouth. "You stay away from Darkstripe. If I see either of you together, you're gone no questions asked. Now, tomorrow we will be seeing about this dog scent. Get some rest while you can."

The next morning, Swiftclaw watched as Longtail led Fireheart, Whitestorm, Cloudtail and Sandstorm to Snakerocks. He padded back to his nest in the Elders den. Hopefully they would figure out how to thwart the dogs.

* * *

><p>Swiftclaw tore out of the den at the terrified yowl, one that he would later recognize to be Ashpaw's. Brindleface lay in the clearing, surrounded by her whimpering kits and a terrified Clan.<p>

"We didn't even know she was gone…" Fernpaw whispered. "How terrible are we? No one knew she even left camp?!"

Whitestorm draped his tail around the young apprentice's shoulder.

"You did nothing wrong. No one expected anything like this to happen." He tried to reassure the trembling she-cat. Ashpaw stumbled over go sit beside his sister.

"Please believe me, both of you. Brindleface would not blame you. You were asleep and she went for a hung. No one knew anything would go wrong, and I'm sure she's very proud of you. Will you three allow me to help you bury her?"

Ashpaw sniffed, but both siblings nodded. Cloudtail whimpered and buried his face into Whitestorm's shoulder.

"She was here yesterday." He muttered. Why would he do this?"

"To give the dogs a taste for cat blood." Longtail growled.

That was sure to send the Clan into a panic.

Swiftclaw sighed. Just when things seemed to be coming together, they fell apart just as quickly.


End file.
